Eulogy Speech Advice
Nothing is really adequate to express what someone's life has meant to us, but we hope the following advice will go some way to help if you are ever asked to speak a eulogy at a funeral service.
The advice is provided by Dick Underwood. Dick is a former Minister of Religion and a former Industrial Chaplain within the deep sea fishing industry. As a minister of Religion he was regularly called upon to preside over family funerals, always finding appropriate words to comfort the bereaved. As an industrial chaplain within the fishing industry he was frequently (more frequently than he liked) asked to break the news to relatives when a fisherman had been washed overboard, or when a ship had sunk with complete loss of life.
Although he sometimes conducted up to three funerals a day, he never became hardened to the suffering of others, and as he faced mourners during funeral services he frequently joined them in their tears as he sought to express the eulogy. Sometimes Dick had to find appropriate words not once, but three times for the same person, conducting a funeral service in church, a service at a crematorium, and then a latter service during which the ashes would be scattered. Sometimes, in the case of bodies lost at sea, he was faced with conducting memorial services for relatives, some of which (because there was no body) were finding it almost impossible to believe their loved one had really died.
Dick has conducted funerals that have been attended by hundreds of mourners, but he has also conducted a funeral where he has been the only mourner. He has given many eulogies himself, but has also helped friends and relatives to give a fitting eulogy themselves.
My partner used to take care of things. I wouldn't know where to start.
I've been asked to speak the eulogy at the funeral of a child. What can I say?
I've been asked to speak the eulogy at the funeral of an adult. What can I say?
What's the best poem or verse to start or finish my eulogy off?
I've been asked to speak the eulogy at a funeral service. I want to, but I'm too
nervous. What should I do?
Fear's a funny thing, and so is your mind.
I know someone who was scared stiff of going into a lift. Whenever they
did, their heartbeat increased, they felt flushed, they began to sweat,
they felt faint and thought that they were going to die. Even thinking
about getting into a lift brought the same symptoms. They'd avoid the
lift whenever possible, and if it was unavoidable they'd get out of the
lift at the earliest opportunity.
Then a therapist pointed out to them that no harm had ever come to them
in a lift, and they didn't know anyone else that had been harmed either.
Yes, his heartbeat had increased, but he'd never had a heart attack.
He'd felt faint, but had never actually fainted. He'd felt he was going
to curl up and die, but he was actually still alive.
Then the therapist took him to a store that had a lift, and they stayed
in it for fifteen minutes, riding up and down with the therapists
support and encouragement.
For the first few minutes, my friend had all the familiar symptoms, and
an overwhelming desire to get out whenever the lift stopped. But he
persevered, and as the minutes passed, so the symptoms diminished.
After ten minutes my friend felt fine, and after fifteen minutes (far
from feeling faint) he felt completely bored.
He's never looked back, and now gets into lifts without giving them a
second thought.
By getting out at the first opportunity, the fear was reinforced. By
staying in for the fifteen minutes, the fear was removed.
EVERYONE starts off afraid of public speaking (what if this... and what
if that...) and sometimes people say embarrassing things. But so what?
Don't let the fear put you off. Speak long enough so that you speak
through the fear and emerge triumphant the other side.
Everyone is nervous when they do something for the first time, so make
sure, when you give your eulogy it's not the first time you give it!
By this, I mean practice, and practice out loud. When I was a
minister of religion I used to prepare my funeral on a Monday, then I
would practice it out loud every day on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and
Friday, and on the Sunday morning. When I actually gave my sermon
'for real' on a Sunday, it was the sixth time I'd given it. I'd
practiced it five times first. It's the same with funerals.
There's usually not much time, so work out what you want to say, and
practice it a few times. Practice speaking out loud.
Practice looking up from your notes. Practice it in front of other
people if you can. The person you are remembering deserves your
best efforts.
My partner used to take care of things. I wouldn't know where to start.
Start with their life. Who they were. What they did. Then conclude with what they meant to you as an individual, or to you as a family.
Starting with their life, you could go through some (or all) of the things suggested for a Book of Remembrance entry on this site:
- Who were their parents and Grandparents.
- Where did they grow up and go to school.
- Who were their Brothers and Sisters, Aunts or Uncles, Nephews and Nieces.
- Did they go to college or university.
- When did they leave school and what was their first job.
- Have they ever been in the Armed Forces.
- Did they have a trade or profession.
- Who were their best friends.
- Where they married and did they have any Children, Grandchildren, Nephews or Nieces.
- What hobbies or pastimes did they have.
- What sort of personality did they have.
Moving on to what they meant to you. That's where you move from the general to the personal, and express what they did for you, how they helped you, what they felt about you and what you felt about them. What you'll miss most about them.
To get you started, or to help you come to a fitting conclusion, there's an excellent help and an inspirational movie on the following site. Have you seen Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep, the inspirational movie for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one?
I've been asked to speak the eulogy at the funeral of a child. What can I say?
Speaking the eulogy at the funeral of a child is one of the hardest things we can ever be asked to do.
There are no adequate words, or satisfactory explanation.
Our suggestion would be to describe all the best attributes of the
child in question, along the lines of the poem that's said at Remembrance Day,
"They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old".
The child you are remembering will always be remembered as the child
they were. They will always be remembered as vibrant, full of life
and potential. They will always be remembered as someone full of
the confidence and vigour that only children have.
They will never be remembered as old or infirmed. They will always be
remembered as full of life.
I've been asked to speak the eulogy at the funeral of an adult. What can I say?
We all wish we'd had more time to tell people what we really thought
about them whilst they were living, so tell them the things you wish
you had time to tell them before they died.
Believe the person is there.
Believe this is the last time you will ever be able to speak directly to
them.
Tell them how much they have influenced you, how much they helped you.
Tell them how much you love them, and how much you'll miss them.
Tell them how proud you are of the things they achieved in their life.
Tell them you are going to uphold their values, and that you're going to
make them proud of the things you will do in your life.
Relax. You're talking to a friend.
If it's an older relative that you have always known, you could say that
they had always been there for you.
That they had many years experience of life before you were even born.
That they used their wisdom, experience and maturity, to guide you through
the formative years of your life.
That the world was a better place for them having been there.
And that you will honour their memory by building upon their guidance, and
by becoming the adult they would be proud to have known.
What's the best poem or verse to start or finish my eulogy off?
The following collection, is NOT free. However you are getting a
beautifully compiled collection indexed by theme, (loss of child,
loss of parent...), author and opening line. In 5 minutes it could
be on your screen, saving you a lot of hard work and hours of searching.
There are more pages on eulogy help attached to this
one, and we are adding more eulogy pages all the time.
More Eulogy Help